Learning to See Gray

And, no. I don’t mean gray hair. Yes, my hair has grayed quite a bit over the last few years. I blame it on the plague and the stresses of life living in a time full of pandemic pressure, but in reality, I just stopped coloring my hair.

When do we begin to see gray? Raising children has taught me many things. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is a unique experience. At a young age, children see everything in black and white. The very way they begin to understand the world around them must be in the simplest of forms. Many times there are often only two choices – good/bad, right/wrong, clean/dirty, hot/cold, off/on, friend/enemy, kind/mean, in/out. Developing their understanding of complexities requires time, conversation, listening, and intentionality. It’s no easy task, but it’s worth it.

The very word, gray, is complicated. Which is the correct spelling, anyhow? Grey or Gray? We had this debate in a church staff meeting a few weeks ago. No one seemed to know the answer (partly because Scott Taylor, wordsmith extraordinaire, is not longer at the table.) So, after some minimal research, we discovered that either spelling is accepted and they are interchangeable. So, in effect, both are correct? Man, “gray” is so grey.

Our kids enjoy playing team sports, and they’re basketball players. As they have developed their skills and their love of the game, Andy and I have tried to teach them to be more aggressive. Yet, from the time they were toddlers, we have taught them to be kind, treat everyone with respect and offer friendship to all, and most of all – keep your hands to yourself. We teach them to use their words to express themselves, not their bodies. So, naturally, when the black and white lines blur, they are left without an understanding of how to function in the gray. Explaining healthy sports aggression has been a challenge. Especially when your children apologize for bumping into others on the court. Yet, to compete and excel in the sport, you have to be okay bumping shoulders, boxing out for rebounds, attempt to steal the ball, and wrestle on the court to tie up the ball. How, exactly, does that line up with the narrative we have raised our children with? In truth, it doesn’t.

Or does it? We were remote learning for Martin Luther King, Jr. day, and Jack was reading a passage about Rosa Parks and the bus boycott.  At the age of 8, he had many questions about why people would protest. After all, he has spent all of his years learning how to be a “good” boy. He is always compliant with other adults, shows respect, and never questions the authority of those in leadership around him. (Well, except his parents. Don’t worry, he has a healthy dose of “talking back” syndrome at home.) Black and white. Those in power over him call the shots, and he doesn’t because he’s not in charge. We are trying to teach him that he also has power, and how to use his power effectively and efficiently.

Embracing the gray, complex, world is definitely the more challenging way. Yet, it is at the core of our faith. Jesus spent much of his time helping the disciples see gray. Kindness and compassion are essential to the Christian life. Yet, sometimes it’s time to make “good” trouble, especially when seeking justice when things aren’t right. Sometimes we need to be aggressive to advocate for ourselves and those in our tribe, but at the end of the game, we need to shake hands and say “good game.” Sometimes we need to protest to push change and to advocate for others who are oppressed or treated unfairly. Sometimes we need to share the table with sinners and tax collectors, even though they aren’t clean and are the enemy. If Jesus were a basketball player, would he play aggressively? That would be a cool conversation to have.